Image of the Day: Carla Bruni-Sarkozy

BEAST!  SHE WAS A BEAST! Carla Bruni looks like a cat and I love it.  This is what plastic surgery cat lady Jocelyn Wildenstein would have looked like had she started her surgeries in the 2000s instead of whenever she began them.  But yo, this woman messed up her face.  I can't even bring myself to put that photo on here so you can google it yourself.  FYI She is a former model/singer/actress married to the former president of France.

Dear Owl Customers...Part Four

Dear Sir, 

You were not in my section, but I played rock-paper-scissors with you because I was bored and I knew the lone fat man in my section would not be tipping at all (I was right, he tipped two dollars.  Yeah I stereotype.  And they always come out right!).  You told me to go get whatever merchandise I wanted, so I grabbed the undies, natch.  You then gave me a $100 tip.  I came back to the table huffing and puffing because I was doing the running man in the back.  Because of your generosity, you made my day and I was able to pay rent.  I'll never forget your face, especially since I found out later you tipped your own server $500.00.  You will be sitting in my section next time.

Thanks,

J

Ensemble of the Day: My Dress Threw Up a Rainbow Edition

Virginia sucks.  The stores do not.  I found this dress in Fairfax a couple weeks ago at Yesterday's Rose, the same shop where I found that AMAZING mint dress discussed in this post.  I LOVE SHEER DRESSES.  I really do.  I love that I can wear them in every season and regulate my temperature by adding layers.  I bought this dress for the drop waist.  I love the twenties.  Love them.  I love how flattering drop waist dresses can be with the right construction.  I love that there are so many colors on this dress.  I love the scarf-like collar.  I felt like a fashionable clown.

I love the fact that this dress wasn't made in China (Label says Korea, but this is not in sync with Korean style as I know it).  It is very difficult to find clothes these days not made in China, Malaysia, Pakistan, or the Philippines.  I try try try to avoid modern clothes, with companies using dubious labor practices and all.  So yeah, you can call me a fashion environmentalist since I purchase mostly vintage or used clothes.  Does this make up for me taking long showers?  I know, I am contribution to the depletion of fresh water sources.

I could not even tell you what year this dress was made.  I can tell you that my washer almost ripped it to shreds and I gave said washer a good scolding.

The pattern is strange, and if I stand the wrong way I'll look like Wally the Walrus, but I love this dress.

Dear Owl Customers...Part Three

I know you think I was looking at you like this:

But I was really looking at you like this:

Image of the Day: Jazz Great Big Jay McNeely

That must have been a good song.

I need to have an experience that puts me in the same state as those three men in the front.

I Need This Dress Like I Need to Pay for that Parking Ticket in DC...Now!

 Yes.  This dress is reserved for me.  Contacted the owner and was like "LADY THIS DRESS BE MINE!"  I still haven't decided though.  I don't have a life.  Where am I going to wear this beautiful thing?  That emerald green and the big ass bow just scream drama.  And as the winner of most dramatic at Duke University, I think it should be in my closet.  I need to think about it for one more hour.  And it's in my size.  And it's my favorite color.  I'm trying to justify $125 right now.  I used my tax return responsibly.  I work really hard to have the things that I want.  ETC...

Check out one of my favorite Etsy.com stores, Quirk Vintage Clothing!

When entertaining "intimate" friends, a hostess wears...

Black Lace Lingerie!

I'm cheap.  Thermostat set on 78 degrees F.  I don't wear much black.  I reserve that color for times of mourning (like when Game of Thrones went off the air last year), when I have nothing to wear, and when I'm feeling like a country ham.  This ensemble doesn't fit in any of these categories.  

I had a friend over for cocktails today and didn't feel like "dressing" for the occasion so I wore one of my many vintage slips.  My grandmother would beat my "light-skinned behind" if she knew I was wearing one of my slips.  I tried to pull that stunt in Charleston 4 summers ago.  I was marched back into the house and not allowed to leave until I found something more appropriate.  So I threw on a cardigan and was marched back into the house yet again.  Grandma doesn't believe in underwear as outerwear, but I do!  And besides, grandma isn't here and grandma doesn't read blogs so there!

This is a great gown from the 1980s.  I fell in love with the lace midsection!  The scarf was a purchase from a consignment shop called Yesterday's Rose located in Fairfax, Virginia.  This is the same shop that I found that gorgeous mint green dress described in this post.  I felt slinky and glamorous, though I know I don't look as slinky as I feel right now.  I wish fried chicken was never invented.

 

Me? A Sell Out?

Was called a sell-out at work (BY SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT EVEN OWN A PAIR OF JEANS AND DOES NOT PARTICIPATE IN CASUAL FRIDAY) for wearing a business professional outfit for once in my life.  He was half-joking but still!  I did look professional; HOWEVER I was wearing a clown collar shirt and leopard print heels.  Do you see why I'm forced to have one of two faces at work everyday?!

Dahhhling I'm fabulous.  Who are you?

Say what?  I'm not going to wrinkle my forehead for you boo boo.

Image of the Day: Britney Spears Circa 2000

Do ya'll remember Britney Jean at the height of her fame?  Holy Smokes.  This is called Summer body inspiration.  It's designed to torture me; therefore, I'm buying roller blades and a thigh master!

Ensemble of the Day: I got the BLUES edition

I love this dress.  I love it to pieces.  After green, blue is my favorite color; so when there are multiple blues in one dress, I'm completely on board.  This dress is from the early 1980s.  How do I know that?  As the 80s wore on, dresses became bigger and bigger with crazier construction.  Bows on the butt.  Shoulder pads as big as football padding.  Drop waist into a diamond.  All of that and more that I have tried to forget about.  Yeah yeah ended a sentence with a preposition.  Sue me!  This dress is quite simple in construction, and this type of material was still being used in the early 1980s.  Small pleats are consistent with this era.

I really like the diamond pattern with the ombre.  The construction of the dress is really simple but there's so much going on with texture, color, and pattern it's really exciting.  Ombre generally refers to the hair trend that starts dark at the roots and gradually goes lighter towards the ends (I just call that recession hair.  I'm rocking it right now!) but I think it's an apt description for this dress.  I accessorized with a leather, purple, Liz Claiborne belt, hot pink lipstick, and a gold brooch.  I also really like the dress becaust it is sheer. 

The button detail!  I love small stuff like that :)  Totally adds value to the dress.

Ya'll. "Paris is Burning" is on Netflix.

I do not own a television.  Frankly, it is a waste of time and money.  I have over 100 books on my shelf and over 500 books on my Kindle that need to be read.  Instead of paying for cable, I can go to the consignment shop twice more a month.  I do have a subscription to Netflix though.  Many complain that they have an outdated movie collection, but all my favorite foreign films and BBC dramas are present.  One day I was looking for documentaries about New Orleans when I stumbled across one of my favorite documentaries of all time:  Paris is Burning.

If you have never seen this film, please please watch it.  It will break your heart, inspire you, and help you bring out your inner drag queen while you're brushing your teeth in the mirror.  I think this is where Beyonce got Sasha Fierce from, and you KNOW the Queen of Appropriation, Madonna (as much as I love this woman), stole one of her eras from.  The Vogue era if you don't know what I'm talking about.  Madonna may be Queen of the gays, but she's largely Queen of the Caucasoid gays.  Black gays were hardly visible at this point.  I mean, you've got Langston Hughes and James Baldwin but they weren't out out.  This is a fascinating view of Black, gay, subculture in the late 1980s.  Remember how hip hop started break dancing as a way of non-violent posturing among crews?  Voguing was of a similar vein, non-violent posturing among houses.

And honey, the best part of the whole documentary is this 4-minute clip about "shade."

Do yourself a favor and try not to judge the people in this film.  Take this documentary for what it is:  a peek into the lifestyles of sexually and racially marginalized people.

Hospital Glam: It's Possible and It's Comfortable

Good old Southern Comfort.  When I'm sick, I watch Vampire Diaries, eat shrimp and grits, and drink apple cider mixed with Southern Comfort.  I lay about in kimonos and wear fuzzy socks with my favorite Korean boy bands on them.  But that's when I'm sick for a day.

My good friend's mother has been recently diagnosed with cancer.  Fearing there was nothing I could do, other than to send a cliche bouquet of flowers and a naked Ricky Martin poster, I looked to my illustrious talents.  The last thing someone is worried about when they are diagnosed with cancer is how they appear to others, but I think glamorizing just a tad can do wonders to uplift the spirits.  Per my friend's request, here are some ensembles that will have the doctors running to Nordstrom for their own fabulous comfort-wear. 

 Some of the most comfortable things I own include a Duke sweatshirt and stretch pants.  They are not glamorous by any stretch of the imagination, but the following things are pretty and comfortable.  I suggest pretty kimonos, real cashmere, lacy robes, and decorative leggings.  Please keep in mind that the items featured below are ideas.  I would never spend more than $30 on a robe, while some of the things below are extremely expensive.

OOOOH the Caftan.  LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT.  THEY ARE NOT MUMUS!  I BARELY KNOW WHAT  A MUMU IS BUT IT IS NOT A CAFTAN!  I adore a brightly colored caftan.  They're my version of sweatpants.  They are easy to slip on and off, comfortable, and come in a variety of fabrics:  Silk, satin, polyester, or cotton.  One can easily wear leggings or nothing else underneath.  Throw on a turban and all of a sudden you're Lana Turner.  Also, there are tons in vintage shops.  Throw a spit ball in a vintage store and I promise you'll hit one.  Short ones are available but the longer ones are truly more glamorous.  Many billow, but I prefer the ones that align with the silhouette of the body.

Life Lesson Learned From Serving Food

Fact:  Rednecks tip well when their wives are not around.

And "big titty baby" is an insult.

Bad Southern Belle...Store Edition

The Bad Southern Belle Store will be opening next week.  I've provided a sample of what's to come below.  I came up with the concept of having a store not as a money-making operation, but because so many of my friends lament the fact that they have neither the resources nor the patience to go to a thrift store and find something wonderful.  I am great at digging, so let me do the work for you.  I not only find vintage, but also modern ensembles.  Below is a brand new Tracey Reese dress, never worn, with the tag still attached. 

STAY TUNED!