Bad Southern Belle: The Right to Bear Eyes: Side Eye Realness

I believe in the Second Amendment. If you have never read it before, which I sincerely hope you have as you are obviously reading my garbage and the Constitution is actually important, it reads,

Now before you say, "GURL WAT?" please do not blame it on my Vanilla side, as some of my more uncultured friends propound when I do something they don't understand. I am not of the Vanilla American stock that seems to be so obsessed with proactively "protecting" themselves by shooting young Black males that have candy bars and cell phones in their hands instead of weapons. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am half Australian. Australian is not an ethnicity (unless you are counting Aboriginals, the initial and native inhabitants of that beautiful land of tall sunburnt men and thongs ((hahaha you guys don't know that means flip flops hahahaha, cultural dummies)), but I believe my mother's family settled there in the early 1900s. That side is a mixture of Scottish, Welsh, English, and Jewish. Now that I have shown you the receipts, let's keep it moving before I am side tracked even further.

My country fried boo thang taught me how to shoot in his neighbor's backyard in the sticks of Ohio, and I have been A-OK with the right to bear arms since. I believe in using glocks, tasers, machetes, broken bottles, whittled branches, bows and arrows, bowie knifes, hair spray, Crystal Louisiana hot sauce, moose antlers, and the side eye (YAAAS THE SIDE EYE) to protect myself from those who seek to hurt me. Honestly ya'll, a very strong side eye is the cheapest weapon you can ever use. Such a convoluted opening to introduce the weapon I use all day every day. But you would stop reading if I said "Hey girl hey. Side eye is the business."

Some of ya'll who don't read the Internet, watch the news, or talk to other humans in person may not know what a side eye is. If you know me personally, I have definitely given you the side eye. Here's the scenario in which it generally occurs: You say something uncouth, coarse, crass, offensive, or just plain dumb, and rather than counter your statement I use my face to tell you what I think of your statement. I employ this method everyday in Seattle, as I don't yet understand these people's ways.

I learned the side eye from my Grandma, who learned it from her grandma, who learned it from her grandma. The side eye has been a member of my family for generations. IN Charleston, we just call it "cuttin your eyes," which really means that you rolled your eyes at something; however, rolling eyes is passe and causes wrinkles. To me, everything I don't like causes wrinkles: People who don't shower, people who mispronounce my name, mushrooms, octopus, etc...

Urban Dictionary describes it as "A facial expression expressing one's criticism, disapproval, animosity, or scorn of varying levels of intensity towards another person. Defined by one person looking at the other out of the corner of their eye(s) with a scowl, as their head is turned in a different direction."

Side eyes are like shoes, you should have one for every occasion. I have provided many, many examples of great side eyes below: